you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my sisters under your porch take her home
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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