You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
