It was confusing and full of hummus
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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