Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Houston, we have a squirter
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
