I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
