Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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