Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
