...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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