I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
