Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
