you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
