I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
