marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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