Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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