Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
