then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had sex on a dog bed..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
