So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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