Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.

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(719): View more from Colorado

3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado

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(614): View more from Ohio

her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny

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(206): View more from Washington

I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

(1-206): View more from Washington

You are nothing if not reliable.

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(310): View more from California

That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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(619): View more from California

Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.

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(206): View more from Washington

I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner

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(410): View more from Maryland

Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah

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