Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So much rum. So many feels.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
