Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
