Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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