I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
