I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
