Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
