I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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