I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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