Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
