; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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