All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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