Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
