My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
