dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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