At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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