it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
