You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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