Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize