she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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