who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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