Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
