he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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