You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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