i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize