Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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