I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
