Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
