I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
