During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
