no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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