i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
