i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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