Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
