Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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