Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
