Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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