Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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