It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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