Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize