Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
