She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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