he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
