Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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