i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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