OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What a dumb baby whore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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