dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
