Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
