I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
