hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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