Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
