i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
