I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
