I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
