there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
